Hospital Etiquette
Just because you are paying enough money each night to be at some swanky resort does not mean you can treat me like your hotel concierge. We don't have a scheduled release time of 11am. I'm sorry. It sometimes takes a few hours for you to leave but we are trying to get you out as fast as we can so we can get another one, just like you, in an hour or so.
I know they told you you're surgery will be at 8am. Guess what? Many things can cause you to be late. Your doctor could be late, the OR team could be unprepared or (the biggest one of all) there is an emergency surgery that is in need of more help than you. Crazy. For sure. There is someone else in this lonely little world that needs a life saving surgery quicker than your stable broken bone. Who would have thought?
No I don't know when your doctor will be in. They are busy. They have days that they are in surgery or in clinic at there office. A.K.A. You are not their only patient. I can tell you that they will see you sometime today and that is all I know. I'm not their scheduler.
Please don't leave your food tray outside your door on the floor. Again, this is not a hotel. You have know idea how annoying it is to see someone do that. Thank you for letting me pick up your tray off the dirty carpet and strain my already strained lower back while doing so. Hit your call light and someone will be more than happy to come get it.
Speaking of call lights. Just because you hit it and someone answers doesn't mean that I will drop the pain meds I'm giving to your neighbor, stop doing the open abdominal dressing change on your other neighbor, let the old lady across from you fall that I was helping to the bathroom, to run to your room so you can ask me when your doctor is coming in. Give me at least 15-20 minutes to get to you before you start going crazy on the call light. Most of the time I'm in there in 5 minutes. SO chill out!
When you ask me if there are any 20 year old blondes around that will come lay in bed with you I will tell you 'We don't do that here.' And then precede to tell all the other nurses what a dirty old man you are and that males should only be assigned to you. No joke. A patient has said that to me.
If you tell me that your pain is 10 out of 10 then fall asleep before I can even step one foot out of the room I will have a hard time believing you are in the worst pain of your life. I'm not sure people know how often I've heard these same lines. Believe me, I'm onto you. And don't get mad at your nurse if he/she looks a little sceptical when you really are in pain. He/she has been trained to be so sceptical by your neighbor who is just looking to score. We definitely try not to judge but occasionally it can happen.
Which brings me to my next point. Nurses, doctors, pharmacists, therapists, aides, are not perfect! I know, shocker. Most of us do the best we can and still miss things sometimes. I don't like it either. I wish I was perfect then I wouldn't feel the gut wrenching feeling you get when you've messed up. Big or small. Any good RN will tell you they have screwed up and feel like they just got punched in the stomach. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not writing this post because I hate my job. Okay. That's a lie. Occasionally I hate my job. But seriously, it surprises me on a daily basis how high people's expectations can be. I run my butt off trying to be a good RN and there is always that patient that doesn't think that's enough. Doesn't think anything is enough. In fact, there are too many patients like that. So next time you go to the hospital, I want you to remember this post. Remember that first, you are not my only patient (day shift 4-5, night shift 5-6), second, most health care workers are doing the best they can*, and third we actually do care about you and your ailments despite your stupidity for driving drunk and slamming into a tree on the way to your girlfriends house at 2 am.
*Disclaimer* Some health care workers are crappy. And by crappy I mean, they only care about doing there 8-12 hours and getting the heck out of there. Should you make sure the care you are getting is making you better? Yes. Should you go to the point where you are judging and being rude to your workers because they are trying to do their job? No.
**Disclaimer** These are things I could/would never tell my patients. I try to treat every patient with respect. I'm just giving some friendly advice. Take it or leave it. I wanted a good chuckle and to vent. A little:)
